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Walking On One Fine Wire  Hello all! Today my sister passed her driving test. I'm happy, because I don't have to cheer her up when she got home. It's a little scary, because well.. getting into the car with my sister is scary. 9_6 I completely blew my group members out of the water with my poetry essay. I was so pleased. They really didn't have anything negative to say about it. I have to say though, I just ate up the praise. It gave me a real charge. I haven't gotten real praise in a while so I was definitely appreciative. My "emaciated" ego has been fed. So I was one of those annoying cellphone drivers on my way to school. Cliff called right as I was getting gas. He got an earful of swear words, because I swear a whole lot when I drive. He said that he gets so much amusement when I drive and how violent I tend to be. Hehe, things have been so great with him. I called him up after the walk with my family and said that I doubt that I would be able to keep it up by myself. And he said with a lot of conviction, "What? I'll walk with you!" I really do love him more and more every day. Tomorrow it's an HPV booster for me, and I'm planning on doing some baking. I have some new chocolate chip cookie recipes that I would like to try out. Anyway, here's a survey! Oh and pics tomorrow too. 1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. Who is with you? Cliff 2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal? A squirrel or a bird 3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal? I try and take a picture of it, but do my best not to scare it away. 4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your dream house which is: A good sized house with a balcony, a porchswing, and trampoline and a pool. 5. Is your house surrounded by a fence? No. 6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining room table. What do you see on AND around it? A white lace table runner and a bowl of fruit. 7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it? a ceramic mug 8. What do you do with the cup? Pick it up to see if it’s broken 9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at a body of water,what is it? A good sized river you can swim in. 10. How will you cross the water ? take off my shoes and wade across the water After you copy and paste into a new bulletin, and answer ALL the questions above you can look down here. | | | | | | | v The ANSWERS 1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important to you. 2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life. 3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. 4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems. 5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced. 6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy. 7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship. 8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude. 9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire. 10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be. Colleen Today was awesome. I finished my reading last night which allowed me to work on my essay all day. I must admit it came out smashingly. I'm actually proud of my work and shock, I had fun writing it, because it was challenging. I'm not frequently challenged. Anyway, I'm mostly done with my grammar homework too, so I'm ahead of schedule. Booyah! I have noticed something though. I sometimes feel guilty that my life is going well and that I'm happy. Someone has a ton of stuff to do when I'm all finished. I just feel bad like I'm making them feel worse, because I feel good. Like I'm somehow rubbing their noses in their situation. The situation previously stated is just a small example. I want to revel in my joy, but I'm not sure how. At least in my LJ and OD I can revel all I want. Things with Cliff are still good. While fixing my computer he was being all mushy. Today he was playing games with Derek and Mikey. He was a little terse and annoyed. I thought to myself, "It's too early in the morning to deal with an angry Cliff." I showered and started working on my essay. He calls me back a few hours later and he says, "Yeah, I was being a jeerk this morning, so I decided to call and check in." Hehe, he's such a dear. I was busy though so we didn't talk too long and when I was finished he was back to playing the game. We didn't have any long or deep convos, but I still feel fulfilled and satisfied with the time. ~smiles~ It's just days like these that make me feel like I'm already Mrs. Cliff Houser in spirit. When we're just comfortable, and it's a good thing. Colleen Well, I had a most annoying day. I woke up to my computer unable to open up Internet Explorer. I was so pissed off. I tried so many things, but I didn't have any time to fix it in the morning. I went to school and talked to John and Jon about it. They suggested booting it up in Safe Mode, and other things. So, when I got home, I booted it up in Safe Mode and magically IE worked. That meant that it was another program doing it. I downloaded yet another antivirus software to add to my arsenal. I scanned my comp which took two hours. It picked up something. I thought, yay my IE should work now. Nope. I scanned with AdAware again. Then inspiration hit. What was the difference between IE in Safe Mode and IE in Normal? My toolbars! I removed my Google and Yahoo! toolbars. And like magic, POOF! IE works. Weird, but hey, it works. I miss my toolbars though. I'm told it was probably the Yahoo one, but I'm not ready to do any of that yet. I'm just happy that it works. On another crappy thing happened too. I got a jury summons. Just another pain in the ass. Oh well. I'm a college student. Yikes, I almost wrote one of those "famous last words" sentences. How's this... hopefully, I won't have to go in at all and if I do, hopefully, it'll just be for the one day like it was last time. I've amended my previous statement about 50 reps of the bicycle maneuver/crunches. Because I'm such a baby and my stomach still hurts quite a bit after two days, I'm going to work my way up. Amy said that anything after 30 doesn't do any good, so I might use that as my cap. I'm going to restart tomorrow with 10 a day for a week. Then I'm going to add 5 the next week and then the next week, until I get to 30. After I get that started on a regular basis, maybe yoga. Thank you for all your kind notes about it. I really appreciate the encouragement and information. Also I did some pleasure writing today. It felt good. At first I was struggling with it, but I'm proud of the little exchange that I wrote about. The rest should be fun as well once I work out all the kinks. Tonight and tomorrow are going to be a lot of homework. I'm going to do my reading for Fiction, finish writing the essay for poetry, finish homework for Grammar. I need to make copies of all of them actually. Another stop in at work then *wink* I need to get my HPV booster. I might do that on Friday. At least I can scratch fixing my computer off the list. Tomorrow marks 5 weeks of consistency. The only thing that has fallen by the wayside is the lipbalm thing, and that's because I lost mine. Got a new one, but I didn't like it. ~shrugs~ Okay, time for reading. Colleen My stomach muscles hurt. I suppose you could call yesterday the day that I officially added exercise to my daily regimine. I did fifty reps of the bicycle manuever. It's like a crunch only twisting while you do it. I did some research and found that it would be the best bang for my buck. It said that it would work all of my abdominal groups and my upper abs and obliques are definitely feeling the burn. My lower abs aren't so much, but it might be because my uppers hurt so much. If I don't start to feel like I'm making a difference I might need to attempt something else. There may also be more yoga in my future. My sister is actually mad at me for wanting to tone up. Something about hating skinny girls who don't like a little bit of fat. Well, it's not about being thinner. It's about being toned and creating good and healthy habits for myself. Things with Cliff have been going well the past few days. I'm realizing that the more that I bring to the conversation the more that Cliff will bring and that it does take some effort to keep it going. It's so worth it though. And a sort of corny moment... I love it when I can make Cliff laugh before he says that he loves me, because then it feels more like he means it than the obligatory "I love you, goodnight." It feels more like "OMG you get more amazing every day. I love you." It makes me happy. Now I'm going to watch Sister Act (it's a great movie) and look over the newest issue of Consumer Report. I think I'm going to like this issue. They're comparing Digital Cameras and laptops. *drool* Colleen I was slightly more productive today. I wrote my exercise for fiction. I had no idea what I was going to do and I came up with an exaggerated and fictionalized version of the situation I was in when Cliff said that he wanted kids and it was apparent that it was a dealbreaker for him. So, I went out trying to decipher the appeal of kids. It took me years. Six of them in fact. This woman doesn't really come to the same conclusion or any conclusion, it was just fun to describe kids as little monsters. I got the information back for the venue I was looking at. I was amazed how fast she got back to me, considering it's a Saturday. All of my questions were answered and she even said that she would make some extra accomodations for me, which is brilliant. The website says that in order to have the event catered, there's a minimum of 100 people. We will have about 50, but she said that it wasn't a problem. The menu looks good and is actually affordable. I'm in shock really. It scares me how easy this is going. I'm bracing for something to go horribly wrong. Hopefully nothing will come. I was right in that the photographer I was looking at decided to increase her fees, so we won't be able to afford her. It's alright though, because on the website of the venue there was another photographer that is more of the style that I like and while he isn't as cheap as the other one, is better than anything else that I've seen. And their payment plan is great. There's a $525 deposit, BUT 50% of the balance is due a week before (that gives us must needed TIME) and the rest is paid when the proofs are picked up, which is much better than the original photographer. I will post all of the names and crap when we get everything nailed down, but it's looking really good. Today, I went to get Halloween costumes with my mom, brother and sister. My brother got this great Viking costume. I swear, you wouldn't know him different than the real thing. My sister is going to be a geisha. I haven't seen her in the paint or anything, but she still looks good. I got a gargoyle fairy costume. Now, I know most people use Halloween as an excuse to look slutty, and I find that to be kinda tacky. But that truth of the matter is, I have never used it to be skimpy or slutty, and I thought it would be fun for once. Basically, if I bend over, those standing behind me get a surprise. It is a little small for me, because I'm so long in the torso. I do have pics, but I'm not going to post them unless I get the okay from Cliff, and even then it'll probably be when I'm all done up. I am really getting ready for the holiday season to get here. I keep thinking of all the things that I wanna do. When I move out, I want to go crazy with decorating. My parents aren't really big with decorating for the holidays, but I really would like to get into it so it makes the house feel special. Different decorations for different seasons. I want to just go nuts. I want to fill the house with smells of cookies and such. If I learn to cook anything, I want it to be desserts. I want people to say, "My grandma knows how to make the best blah blah blah ever." Something to be known for. And I don't want it to be Nestle's Tollhouse either. And sidenote: I've really been going nuts with my lists. I have an 8 page Word document of just lists of things I want to do, learn to cook, venues, guest lists, comparison for photographers. I've officially gone to town on the whole thing. Anyway off to do more homework! Colleen The days do move more slowly when you don't have anything to do. I was planning on another productive day of homework done early, laundry, and more cleaning. Yeah, that never got done. I was casually looking for places to have a wedding indoors, because well, March it will be rainy, just about guarranteed. I discovered that I can't do anything wedding related casually. It eats up my entire day. I found some things that were interesting that I didn't find before that should serve my purposes well enough. I'm not keeping my hopes up though. I'm not going to say anything unless I have it nailed down. And staring intently at a computer screen is a bit draining, especially if you're looking for answers to specific questions etc. Anyway, I leave you with a few pictures. ( ~*~*~*~ ) Colleen
So my mom is being forcefully moved to IBM. It's not Amdox, but it's still permanent removal. The company says that she can either retire or she'll be fired. Hmm... some choice. She will have a guaranteed job at IBM, but they don't have a pension plan. She'll be losing thousands of dollars, because of the age penalty. It's not as bad as we thought that it would be, but it's not really a good development. So... positives... Ah a story: I had a dream last night where I was lying on top of Cliff and he was rubbing my back. It was one of my really vivid dreams where it feels like it's really happening. It was nice and intimate. Just what I needed actually. Like a five minute visit with him. That's it, I think. Colleen It seems that once I patch up one serious hole in my life, another one pops up. I struck a compromise with my parents and we have postponed the wedding by six months. That is the patch. The hole is this. My mom works for AT&T and they've been moving their programmers to a subsidiary Amdox. I have no idea if that's really how it's spelled. And she's thinking that this impromptu meeting is the management's way of telling them that they're going to be moving. This means that she'll be losing her benefits including the free long distance that is so important. It just... gah! Anyway, I don't want to think about it until it happens. So, I have pictures. I've finally compiled enough pictures. I've been taking a couple here and there so they're all together now. Colleen Well, I've discovered that there might be something to this whole seasonal depression thing. As much as I love it when it rains, I hate it when it's cloudy. I woke up this morning still relatively down; the sun came out and it made me smile. And the longer the sun was out, the happier that I was to see it. I was stoked for fall, but y'know what, I'm not ready to say goodbye to the nice sunny days. Okay, another lesson in CA weather. During the winter, it's cloudy for weeks and weeks and weeks. It's not like Seattle (as I'm told) where it rains for a few days and then it's sunny (repeat as needed). So, I'm thinking this is a bad thing. Might try for one of those seasonal lamp things. And if it's too expensive well then, expect sad entries. I'm worried about Cliff for winter too, as he hates the holidays. He gets overworked and therefore grumpy. I'm usually tired or sick and therefore much needier. That means friction. Colleen The past couple of days I've been having more of my speedy mood swings which have made me unable to push the save button. By the time I finished an entry it just didn't feel important to write it anymore. Some old issues have been swimming in my brain lately and I talked with Cliff about it this morning. He explained a few things and they made sense to me. He called back when he got home from work. We talked some, and I got my cuddly time. It's not all better, but it is better. Let's see more positives... I started making a reading list. It's mostly made up of classics that I've always wanted to read. Please no suggestions. I have to stumble upon things myself. Suggestions tend to make me feel like I'm being told what to do. It's stupid, but please. * 3.5 weeks and my gums are looking fabulous. * I bought a new hat to replace the one I can't seem to find. It came with a scarf and gloves. They're really soft. Colleen |
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